I have a busy day AGAIN! That’s how life is with three kids. Even though one is away at college doesn’t mean that I have stopped being a mom to him and he is still a teen.

I was relieved to hear about a study that shows that taking just 30 minutes per week total with your child to LISTEN makes all the difference in the world in their social and emotional development. It didn’t matter whether that time occurred 5 minutes per day or 30 minutes at one time. The importance was that the time was ALONE so that they know that they are being heard. So maybe our busy lifestyle isn’t emotionally scarring my children for life after all.

When I spend time alone with my children, I learn about their joys, their fears, and their dreams as they rapidly change and grow. I develop an understanding of their world which is different from the world that I grew up in. Each child’s development into a separate independent human being takes time, time that goes by too quickly. So it is important, especially during the final stage before adulthood called adolescence, to take time to just be with my children and enjoy them.  However, it is so hard to find time between school, work, and scheduled activities.

I am not always successful but I try to take alone time with my children every week. For me, the time varies from week to week because life is crazy like that. Small bits of time can come from all sorts of places and taking time can make the biggest difference in the world to an emerging young adult. Time comes from places like the few minutes before bedtime, a short trip to school because they missed the bus, or sometimes a scheduled lunch at a restaurant. Sometimes my child is receptive to talking and sometimes they are not, but I keep on trying. Even for my son who is away at college, Skype is a wonderful free program that allows us to see one another and stay connected.

I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts on our facebook or twitter page on how you get alone time with your preteen or teen!

Miriam